Wednesday, November 13, 2013

My Brain Doesn't Work, Ever!

Let's face it, the things that we think in our heads come out entirely different when we open our mouths. I was always a well spoken person, could even give impromptu speeches (in Spanish) at the drop of a hat.

Now, I have a hard time coming up with simple words. It's an everyday battle that has truly decreased my self esteem. 

While at work, I tend to not speak up because the words usually don't come out right. At my previous job I worked with a fantastic group of girls who knew what I was going through and would pick up and continue the conversation during an important meeting. 

At my new job, no one knows, which means I sound like an idiot at times...I can't even blame it on anything without them knowing! 

I noticed this problem months before being diagnosed as I would always ask my husband for something extremely bazaar. We would always just laugh it off. Things like "Can you put the milk in the oven" or repeating the same question numerous times during the same 5 minute period, yes I'm like an old lady. He always answers with the same tone and same patience, I just love that man :)

It usually doesn't bother me too much, as I have learned to work around it during my job and my husband and I can laugh it off. However, we have made some new friends over the past few months and were getting our usual yogurt dessert this past weekend. 

We were all enjoying the visit and laughing extremely too loud for such a small shop, when I smelled a "burning smell" - ya know the kind of smell that you smell when someone blows out a candle. 

In my mind I was going to say "I smell something burning" however, from my mind to my mouth, it just didn't happen to come out that way. 

Instead I blurted out "I smell thunder" in a very serious tone, one you would use when you are talking about smelling smoke....

Laughter proceeded for the entire table. I nearly lost it, I almost lost it because of the reality. How can this disease take over every part of your life, why can't it only be stumbling and numbness, or fatigue and headaches. Instead we are mumbling, blubbering, wobbling stumblers trying to make it through life.

Can anyone relate, I hope I'm not the only one?