When I was first diagnosed, my symptoms didn't prevent me from continuing my beloved passion due to the affected area being below my waist. It was a blessing that I took for granted during that first month of relapse, telling myself 'at least you can still play.'
In July however, I relapsed again and was completely numb from the neck down...which meant my hands were numb. They were the most affected part during this relapse with my pinky and ring fingers hurting because they were so numb. I would compare it to when your hands are freezing and you put them under hot water, it constantly felt like that.
I attempted to play during this relapse, to get my mind off of this beast I live with. After fumbling around trying to play a few hymns, I sat and cried. Why? Why does this have to take what I love so much? Why can't I use my passion to crawl away from the depths that MS brings you during a relapse?
The only thing I could play with was my nose...and that wouldn't go as well. (Now you have a mental image of me pounding my baby-grand with my nose, you're welcome)
I always fear residual numbness, which is something I'm so blessed to not have, yet. I watch my mother struggle to even write, take pictures, or put the dishes up due to residual numbness on her right side. (Seriously, breaking dishes in our home was something that happened once a week).
After the relapse ran its course, I was back to 'almost' normal and able to play again. What a joy that brings to me, listening to the acoustics of Glorify Thy Name throughout my home, it's something that I don't take for granted anymore.
With that being said, I need your support and prayers. I have played in several weddings throughout my years however, a very special couple (my brother-in-law and future sister-in-law) are getting married in June. I'm honored to have been asked to play at their wedding, yet there is something that lingers.
What if that happens again? All I can imagine is "Here Comes the SPLAT" - ummm I can just hear the gasps now. If it were a funeral, it wouldn't be so bad, as I have an excuse to screw up (due to crying) however, at a wedding, no one notices the piano unless you break out in Jerry Lee Lewis or create your own musical tone clusters...She already told me no Jerry Lee Lewis, trust me I tried to throw it in there!
So when June time comes, be praying for my hands and my MS to take a back seat during the weeks before the ceremony...I can only hope right?
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